Especially then, got it. [He's not going to comment on that any further. Starting a fight on their first night in isn't Nathan's idea of a good time but wow it's hard not to draw some heavy conclusions there.]
[ He shrugs, looking off to the side, a little dismissive. ]
Not much to tell. Wanted to play music, always have, decided I was going to come here no matter what, so here I am. Though if I'd followed my my da's footsteps then I'd have been a mechanic.
Took me a couple of years to get here, but got here in the end.
Classical. Like you've not heart shit until you've heard Beethoven played first hand. Nothing quite compares. It's better than sex, that stuff. Fucking genius.
[ Matt doesn't really know any gay people. He's never had the chance to, growing up around a father who would make his opinions on such lifestyles abundantly clear, and friends who were sheltered and used slurs as jokes. There had always been part of him that niggled in the back of his head, that thought it wasn't quite right to treat people like that. But only now he's apart from it can he see that all for himself. ]
No problem with me. What you do with your own bits is your business. Don't really get it but then [ he shrugs. ] You're the first I've known.
That explains a few things. [He says with a shake of his head, not looking mad about it, but feeling like it's now his job to say something.]
A tip, then? Maybe don't say things like "don't bring people around for sex, especially men." Sort of makes you sound like a wanker. If you don't want me shagging in a shared room, it shouldn't matter if they're men or women, yeah?
[He's trying really really hard not to assume things about you, Matt. But that shit makes it difficult.]
[ It's a comment that leaves him silent for a long moment, looking at his hands as he plays with the edge of a cushion on the bed. It's funny, he's never had someone say anything like that to him before. Honestly, he can't fault the logic. Why should it matter? He doesn't know if he should try and explain or what, but he tries, for better or for worse. ]
I just mean I don't want to have to look at it.
[ As soon as he's spoken he regrets those choice of words and follows them up quickly. ] I mean it would make me uncomfortable.
[ Okay none of this is sounding good? So does that mean the guy is right and he's just a dick? Maybe. It's a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not like that. [ Of course the 'that' there in his mind is his da. Not that anybody would know that, and not that he's about to share it. But the last thing he ever wants to be is him. ]
[Nate has dealt with people being uncomfortable with him for all his life. Thankfully, his parents have never been that sort, but plenty of people at school or on the street- people who decided that giving their opinion of him without him asking was definitely necessary.]
You're not like that. [He repeats, still not sounding mad, just pointing out the flaws in the logic here.] You just- what? Prefer I keep it to myself? But if I was bringing a girl over, you'd be completely comfortable with it?
No that's not what I'm-- [ He's quick to rebuff. Not what he's saying. But it sort of is what he's saying, isn't it? He doesn't mean to, but... it is. He doesn't want to make the bloke feel like he needs to hide who he is or some shit like that. It freaks him out, sure, but that's his own problem, not Nate's. ]
You don't need to justify yourself to me, Nate. I'm nobody. What the fuck does it matter what anybody thinks about how you live your life. You do you and if that's blokes then you do as many blokes as you want. Within reason and all that.
[ He shifts a bit awkwardly, because he knows it's fucked up, and that's his own thought processes. Why is it a problem to him? He knows why, and he hates it. ]
Never said I planned on hiding anything. Just trying to make sure I understand what you're saying. Trying to not assume things, yeah? [His eyebrows raise and he manages a small smile.]
I've been out for a few years now. Parents, family, friends back home-- I'm not interested in hiding anything about myself.
[ See, he looks so much better when he's smiling and not being a dick to him. Matt sits up a bit, leaning his elbows forward on his knees as he looks towards Nate. He doesn't say anything for a minute, but then, surprisingly, he does. The sort of thing he never really says at all. Maybe it's because he doesn't know him, like some sort of neutral party. Or maybe it's something else. Who knows. ]
Look I'm sorry if I'm a prick about it, and if I ever am just tell me, yeah? And I don't mean about stupid shit like jam, I mean like important stuff like this. I was always told it was wrong. That it was disgusting, two blokes, you know? And you're supposed to believe the shit your parents tell you, right?
[It makes Nathan's skin crawl to think about parents raising their kids to be hateful and uncomfortable with things that have nothing to do with them. But at least it makes Matt's attitude about it make so much more sense.]
Yeah, I'll tell you if you're being too you about it. [Thats a joke]
But if that's what your parents were teaching you? I'd suggest doing the opposite of whatever they ever said.
Why do you think I'm here? [ It’s an incredibly telling statement, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. But he’s not supported in this, his family didn’t ship him off all smiling and proud that he’d got a place in a prestigious university. He was sent off told ‘if you leave then you aren’t ever coming back’, that he was no longer part of that family, a disgrace and a disappointment. Oh it’s not how his Ma feels, he knows, but she doesn’t dare speak up against his Da. She knows better by now.
But being here? It’s what he wants, what he always wanted, going against everything he’d been asked and told. ]
[ The idea actually makes him laugh, and he shakes his head a little, looking over at him with a half smile. ] Nah mate. Not sure it’d be polite to repeat what I was told when I finally plucked up the courage to say I was coming here. Think my Ma was proud but… [ he shakes his head again and lets out another laugh. ]
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So what's your story then, Nate? What brought you here?
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[He doesn't know if he wants to ask about Matt's life, especially if he's a homophobic dick.]
What about you? [sigh]
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Not much to tell. Wanted to play music, always have, decided I was going to come here no matter what, so here I am. Though if I'd followed my my da's footsteps then I'd have been a mechanic.
Took me a couple of years to get here, but got here in the end.
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...Really?
[He struggles to see that as a real thing.]
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What, you thought I was here for the 'history of rock'? 'Indie 101'?
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[ He stares at him a moment. ]
So go on then, given we're going to be sharing a room like two twelve year olds. Tell me about yourself.
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[Okay that comment from before has been eating at him.]
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No problem with me. What you do with your own bits is your business. Don't really get it but then [ he shrugs. ] You're the first I've known.
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A tip, then? Maybe don't say things like "don't bring people around for sex, especially men." Sort of makes you sound like a wanker. If you don't want me shagging in a shared room, it shouldn't matter if they're men or women, yeah?
[He's trying really really hard not to assume things about you, Matt. But that shit makes it difficult.]
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I just mean I don't want to have to look at it.
[ As soon as he's spoken he regrets those choice of words and follows them up quickly. ] I mean it would make me uncomfortable.
[ Okay none of this is sounding good? So does that mean the guy is right and he's just a dick? Maybe. It's a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not like that. [ Of course the 'that' there in his mind is his da. Not that anybody would know that, and not that he's about to share it. But the last thing he ever wants to be is him. ]
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You're not like that. [He repeats, still not sounding mad, just pointing out the flaws in the logic here.] You just- what? Prefer I keep it to myself? But if I was bringing a girl over, you'd be completely comfortable with it?
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You don't need to justify yourself to me, Nate. I'm nobody. What the fuck does it matter what anybody thinks about how you live your life. You do you and if that's blokes then you do as many blokes as you want. Within reason and all that.
[ He shifts a bit awkwardly, because he knows it's fucked up, and that's his own thought processes. Why is it a problem to him? He knows why, and he hates it. ]
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I've been out for a few years now. Parents, family, friends back home-- I'm not interested in hiding anything about myself.
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Look I'm sorry if I'm a prick about it, and if I ever am just tell me, yeah? And I don't mean about stupid shit like jam, I mean like important stuff like this. I was always told it was wrong. That it was disgusting, two blokes, you know? And you're supposed to believe the shit your parents tell you, right?
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Yeah, I'll tell you if you're being too you about it. [Thats a joke]
But if that's what your parents were teaching you? I'd suggest doing the opposite of whatever they ever said.
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[
It’s an incredibly telling statement, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. But he’s not supported in this, his family didn’t ship him off all smiling and proud that he’d got a place in a prestigious university. He was sent off told ‘if you leave then you aren’t ever coming back’, that he was no longer part of that family, a disgrace and a disappointment. Oh it’s not how his Ma feels, he knows, but she doesn’t dare speak up against his Da. She knows better by now.
But being here? It’s what he wants, what he always wanted, going against everything he’d been asked and told. ]
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[He rolls his eyes a little with that last bit. Can't really blame him though. Assholes who trying to teach their hateful biases just piss him off.]
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Not really a ‘mans’ job is it. Playing the piano.
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[Nathan isn't here for your gender norm bullshit.]
Now if you're shit at it, that's another story...
[That might be a more genuine smile now.]
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