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[byrned]

Comments

[cravating]

[Nate is sitting in a chair, painting when Matt arrives. He doesn't even glance up as his friend walks right in. It's not until he says Sally didn't come that he glances up.]

She..? Seriously?

[byrned]

Yeah. We're going to go next week instead, it's fine.

[ He doesn't look so fine though, he looks, well, almost upset. But he has pizza and Nate, so that helps. He puts the box down and opens it up, grabbing a slice as he looks over at Nate's half done painting. ]

That's fucking epic [ he says around a bit of pizza ]. All swishy.

[cravating]

[Nate looks about twice as mad on Matt's behalf. How could she cancel on him? After all the trouble he went to?! Huff.

It's almost as if he knows how much more grateful he would be if Matt ever tried to make that sort of gesture with him. But that's silly. They wouldn't ever go to dinner at a place like that.

Glancing at the painting, he gives his normal modest shrug. He's got some paint on his face and a bit in his hair. It tends to happen when he's painting more for him than for class. He loses himself in it. It's the only part of him that gets a little messy.]

It's coming along.

[byrned]

Yeah well I love it. One day I'm going to buy shit tons of your work and put it up all over my house.

[ he moves over to sit on Nate's bed, making himself comfortable. Looking at his friend makes him lose a little of that annoyance and disappointment. ]

You've got a bit... [ he gestures to his hair and face where the paint has splashed. ]

[cravating]

I'm pretty sure these will just be filling up my cupboards so you can just..have them.

[He grabs a rag and tries to wipe off the paint but it's dry now so it's just...going to be a thing he takes care of later. It may or may not be a blue that's basically the same color as Matt's shirt.

He heads over to grab a slice of pizza.]

So did you get to check the place out?

[byrned]

No I'll be buying them. When you've got shows in posh museums. Cards with your name on them. I'll be first in line.

[ It's funny how you come to associate smells and things with people. Paint, that's Nate. Paint and that stuff he uses to get rid of it, sharp in the air. It always feels sort of inviting.

He briefly wonders just how many clothes Nate has ruined by splashes of blue and green. ]

Yeah fucking swanky, mate. Kept thinking security was going to have someone come and kick me out. Mind you they had a lounge pianist in there and he was shite.

[ Matt could have done way better. Not that he wants to be a lounge pianist. Balls to that tbqh. ]

[cravating]

[He ducks his head a bit as Matt talks about his stuff being in museums. He doesn't know if it will go like that. He's still so young and still learning a lot.]

I keep telling you it could be a better job than working at that bar. At least you could do something you love, yeah?

[byrned]

At least in the bar my boss is cool about people coming and hanging out. Long as you're drinking. Not sure it'd be the same if you came and perched on top of a baby grand.

[ Definitely bases his career choices around whether or not he can hang out with Nate tbh ]

Anyway, they've said I can go full time over summer if I want so I've said yeah. [ It's the first time Matt has said anything that even hints that he's not going back to Ireland at the end of term. First time he's even mentioned it at all, really. He doesn't tend to talk about home, pretty much ever. He just needs somewhere to live. ]

[cravating]

Too bad I can't sing, or I could just sprawl out like one of those fancy singers from the 40s. [Nathan those were women who did that. But he's joking anyway.]

Wait- you're sticking around for the summer? You didn't say anything about that.

[byrned]

Oh you can sing. I've heard you sing in the shower, don't you lie to me. You're Welsh, it's in the genes.

[ When he heard him in the shower who knows, but he did. ]

Yeah going how would be... Well I'm not actually sure I'd have any home to go to.[ Hi Nate, things you didn't know. ]

[cravating]

[He's quiet for a moment.]

That bad?

[byrned]

[ Matt doesn't answer for a moment, and that's weird. He usually has an answer for everything. He shifts slightly, and takes a long breath. ]

You remember that black eye I had when I came back after last Christmas break? Well it wasn't really too much drink and an angry cupboard.

[cravating]

[The implications there aren't hard to pick up on. Nathan feels his chest tighten.]

Your dad? [He knows some. Not much. Just that it's where Matt gets most of his ignorance about gay people from.]

Shit does that... I mean, does it happen a lot?

[byrned]

[ It could almost be unnerving that Nate just gets who caused it, but in truth? It's a relief. It's something he always hides, from just about everyone, like a constant weight on his shoulders.

At first, he just nods. Like it's a betrayal somehow to admit. ]

Used to. [ His voice is quiet. ]

But better me than the girls. Or my mam.

[cravating]

...Fuck, mate. I'm sorry. I had no idea.

[byrned]

[ He shrugs as though it isn't important, when really? It's pretty much one of the most important things there is. ]

It's how he is. Always has been. Since I was a kid.

[ So yeah, that's his roundabout way of him saying his had has always knocked him about. He glances down. ]

The eye was because I was stupid enough to tell him I was sharing with a gay guy.

[cravating]

[For the first time in his life, Nathan feels guilty for who he is, only because it got Matt hurt.]

But that's-! It wasn't like you had a choice. We were shoved in there at random.

[byrned]

[ It makes Matt laugh. Not because it's funny, but because logic has no place here. ]

Oh he'd say I had a choice. But he'd say you have a choice too. That you're going against God. You know I used to think that was right?

[ There's disdain in his voice there, disdain that he ever thought that. ]

My Da's a prick, Nate. When I told him he accused me of being queer. If I was like you then... [ he shakes his head.] Well lets just say it's a good job I'm straight.

[ Or at least so harshly conditioned that he thinks he is. ]

[cravating]

Why did you even tell him? If you knew what he would think, why did you say anything?

[He's trying not to get too upset but he just...hates the idea of Matt getting hurt because of him.]

[byrned]

[ He knows Nate well enough to know he's getting worked up. ]

Hey it wasn't your fault. I said it because I was telling my ma about you. I'm not ashamed of you or what you are. You're my mate. My best mate. And maybe I'd been away from home long enough I'd got it into my head he wouldn't give a shit.

[ His dad said way worse stuff, but Nate really doesn't need to hear about any of that. ]

[cravating]

[He is getting worked up. Worried and afraid for what else Matt got for that. He doesn't imagine it stopped with one punch.]

Stupid. It was stupid. You can't reason with people like that, yeah? I learned it quick as a kid and now you need to as well. Just...

[He sets his pizza down in the box, no longer hungry.]

Something could have happened. Something worse.

[byrned]

[ it stings thinking about what Nate might have gone through when he was young, because Matt knows when he was a kid he was just as bad. He'd have picked on a gay guy because his dad would have been proud of him for it, and his mates would have loved it too. ]

I can handle my da. It's not the worst he's done. I know how to deal with him.

[ but he doesn't, not really. Not unless he means learning how to lock himself in a bathroom until his dad sobered up or lost interest. He hesitates before going on because this is shit he really doesn't talk about. But go on he does. ]

When I was twelve and he found out I wanted to play the piano? I asked him for proper lessons for my birthday. He took my hand and shut it in a door to break my fingers so I wouldn't be able to. Fractured right across them. [ he Gestures to where. ]. Never forgave him for that.

[cravating]

[Nate's eyes shut briefly. He feels like he might throw up. He knew it wasn't good, but he never realized it was this bad.]

Can you... Tell someone? Get your mum and sisters out of there?

[byrned]

Wish I could, mate. But my da's a respected member of the community. He wouldn't lay a finger on the girls. If he would I'd have never left. Hate leaving my ma with him but she's the one told me to go off follow my dreams. Least I can do is try and make one of them proud.

[ because that's the really shit thing. He still wants his da to be proud of him. Maybe if he got a girl they liked? Maybe if he got married, gave them grandkids? Maybe then ]

[cravating]

[He can't protest any of that. Wanting to make your parents proud is a natural thing. Even when they're crap. Or at least one of them is.]

Just..don't say anything about me when you're home, yeah? Not if it's going to make him get like that.