[Crawling back up to straddle him again, Nate obliges that demand with intense eagerness. He grabs Matt's face with both hands and kisses him passionately, a quiet moan slipping free as he rocks his body against Matt's. He kisses him like he may never get the chance to ever again, like he needs this more than air.]
[ Fuck if a kiss like this isn't everything he needs. Everything he's ever wanted. He feels like he could stay here forever, just with him, forget about the rest of the world and just have this. The two of them together where nothing can touch them, where there are no questions or demands. Just them. Nothing but them.
His hand shifts up to the side of Nate's face, holding him there in the kiss, his own lips parted and inviting. ]
You kiss even better than I thought [ he whispers, lips to lips, before adding ]. Suck my cock Nate. I want you to suck my cock.
[Without a word, he nods and slips back down, keeping close to Matt's body, running his hands along his torso as he moves further down the bed. Kneeling on the mattress, his hands move up Matt's thigh before wrapping around the base of his cock.]
I've wanted this for ages. Wanted you. [He leans in closer and runs his tongue along the length of him.]
I love you, Matt. [And with that, he takes him into his mouth, sinking down, inch by inch, eyes locked on him the entire time.]
[ It's fucking glorious. All of it, the touch of his hands and then, fuck, the way his tongue moves over his skin like that. Everything builds to a pinnacle, like a train runaway along a track. But then?
I love you, Matt. The words echo in his mind, barely able to concentrate on anything else. Not even on the way his lips wrap around his cock as he moves. He feels so close, and his breath hitches.
I love you, Matt.
He closes his eyes tightly, and he feels his body start to shake as he reaches a peak and then---
His eyes shoot open.
The room is dark. Darker than a moment ago, and the pressure that had been on his body is absent now. He glances down. He's alone, and besides him Nate still sleeps. His own hand is wrapped around his cock, inside his pyjamas a warm sticky mess.
It slowly dawns on him. It was a dream. All a dream. A dream about Nate. His heart starts to race again, but it's a different sort of fear now. Trying to make sense of it all. All he knows is he can't be here right now, and he pulls himself from the bed as quickly as he can, turning again to look at Nate, none the wiser for it.
Nothing. [ It's bitten out way louder than he intend, as he wipes a hand over his face (decidedly not the one that had been around his junk). ]
Go back to sleep, Nate it's nothing.
[ But it's not. Oh it's not nothing. Matt doesn't know what to deal with that he's just experienced. It doesn't make any sense. He doesn't fancy Nate. He doesn't fancy men. Dreams are just weird, right? Dreams are just dreams.
And then? Maybe he knows better. He really does know better ].
I'm going to go sleep on the couch. I can't sleep here with you.
No. No fuck Nate it's not you. It's not. It's--- It's nothing okay. Just go back to sleep. I'm going to go in the other room. I just can't be here. It's nothing you've done.
[ But it is him. Of course it's him, and even seeing him now he knows it. It's like he's had something pointed out to him that had always been there, but he sees it now. He sees it.
And it fucking terrifies him. Nate doesn't even want him, after all he tells him enough, he's not his type.]
[ He doesn't want to stay around. Nate might be sleepy but the last thing he needs is him noticing the wet patch on the front of his pyjama bottoms. So he turns and leaves and heads to the bathroom to clean himself up.
There, he stares into the mirror, looking at himself. What the fuck does this mean? Why did he have to go and thing about something like that? All he does know, is things are going to have to change.
he goes to the front room and moves onto the sofa there, lies down in a blanket. But he doesn't sleep, he just stares at the wall, eyes rimmed with red.
[Everything changed after they came home from that trip. Matt got distant, quiet. He didn't want to hang out nearly as often, only when they went out as a big group. Soon after they got home, Nate noticed he was chatting Sally up again. She was over at their place. They started dating. This time, Nate stayed out of it and Matt didn't ask for his help.
A year later and he was taking Sally home. And going to ask her to marry him.
Nate spent that Christmas in London. Alone. He didn't want to go home and explain to his parents why he was so sad. So he lied and said he had projects to work on. Lucy came and saw him a bit but for the most part, he let a bit of vodka keep him company.
When Matt's due back, Nate's just on the sofa, watching crap tv and acting like he doesn't hear him fumbling to get the door unlocked.]
[ Matt had never wanted to keep away from Nate, but he had to. He had to because he was fucking terrified of what was going on in his own head. But it was fine, right? Totally fine. he got with Sally. Sally who was hot and training to be a lawyer (also hot). It doesn't matter that he doesn't love her, right?
It doesn't matter when he can take her home and his family can fawn over her and for once in his life his dad can smile at him and tell him well done. He never thought he'd hear him say that.
So it makes sense, doesn't it? Bag the girl. Live the dream. Even if it isn't his dream. They've been together nearly a year, and they've managed fine till now. She's good fun at least. Well, most of the time.
Proposing made sense. So why doesn't he feel that clutch around his chest?
When they get home, he opens the door, but it's Sally's voice that rings out first. ]
Matt you better have all of my bags. I told you to make two journeys but you didn't listen. You never listen do you?
[ He doesn't say anything, like he's learned not to talk back, and he heads in after her, shutting the door behind him. ]
Nate you home? [ He calls out, the volume earning a tut and a side look from Sally. For once Matt ignores it, he's looking forward to seeing his friend. ]
In here. [He calls back, doing his best not to roll his eyes as he hears Sally getting snippy with him. How Matt puts up with it, Nate will never know. He turns down the television, but only barely.
He has to fight the urge to go running for the door. He doesn't want to seem too eager. But he is eager. He missed Matt more than he could say.]
[ Matt can't help but grin like an idiot as he walks into the front room and puts Sally's bags down, seeing his mate again. He's missed him, and he feels like they have so much to catch up on. Of course before he can do any of that then Sally's in front of him. ]
Nathan! Did you see? [ she moves up, flashing the ring that Matt used the money he was saving for a piano to buy. ] Isn't it wonderful? If a little small.
Babe I told you I'd get you a bigger one, soon as I can.
And I haven't forgotten it. Anyway, can't stay, Maria has a dinner party. Matt you unpack everything won't you?
Course babe. [ He knows better than to argue, and he gives her a small kiss as she moves over, before she's heading towards the door, barely having given Nate a chance to speak at all. Still, Matt doesn't mind that, means he gets some time with his mate.
That's great, mate. Sounds like a good trip all around. Got the girl. She met the family. What more could you want?
[He's still not very good at this. It still makes him emotional. But he manages to just push through it and cough to cover the tightness in his voice.]
[ What more could he wants? To be happy? For things to be easy? Things are never easy. He can see the way Nate doesn't really like this line of conversation. It's so fucking clear now, has been ever since Luce took him aside once and told him Nate had a thing for him. She said she was telling him because Nate never would. It didn't help anything though, how could it?
Since that little trip they had a year ago, Matt had pushed himself so far inside the rabbit hole he's practically having lunch with Alice in Wonderland. ]
Oh yeah? She was? Fuck I've not seen her in too long. [ Largely because given Sally knows they used to have a relationship of sorts, she soon knocked them seeing each other at all on the head. ]
[Lucy had given Nate ample time to do it on his own. And he still has no idea she said anything. If he knew, he wouldn't be here. He'd be mortified and probably just move back home. Easier than dealing with all of this head on.]
Well we haven't set a date yet or anything. And you know we're probably not going to rush into it. But you're my best mate, always will be. So will you be my best man? Stop me being a prick on my wedding day?
Thanks mate. Couldn't do it without you, you know that.
[ He looks at him a long moment, his gaze lingering. Why doesn't this feel easier? ]
Aoife hated Sal by the way. Littlest sister's getting some attitude, let me tell you. I think you'd have got on. [ He smiles a bit, wry. ] Come on, I know you can't stand Sal.
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Yes. Oh fuck yes Nate. Suck my cock. Suck it so hard.
[ He breathes, more strained and faster still, and yet even then the request doesn't end there, and something more telling than everything else. ]
But kiss me again first. Kiss me, Nate. Then swallow my cock.
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His hand shifts up to the side of Nate's face, holding him there in the kiss, his own lips parted and inviting. ]
You kiss even better than I thought [ he whispers, lips to lips, before adding ]. Suck my cock Nate. I want you to suck my cock.
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I've wanted this for ages. Wanted you. [He leans in closer and runs his tongue along the length of him.]
I love you, Matt. [And with that, he takes him into his mouth, sinking down, inch by inch, eyes locked on him the entire time.]
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I love you, Matt. The words echo in his mind, barely able to concentrate on anything else. Not even on the way his lips wrap around his cock as he moves. He feels so close, and his breath hitches.
I love you, Matt.
He closes his eyes tightly, and he feels his body start to shake as he reaches a peak and then---
His eyes shoot open.
The room is dark. Darker than a moment ago, and the pressure that had been on his body is absent now. He glances down. He's alone, and besides him Nate still sleeps. His own hand is wrapped around his cock, inside his pyjamas a warm sticky mess.
It slowly dawns on him. It was a dream. All a dream. A dream about Nate. His heart starts to race again, but it's a different sort of fear now. Trying to make sense of it all. All he knows is he can't be here right now, and he pulls himself from the bed as quickly as he can, turning again to look at Nate, none the wiser for it.
Oh this is a huge problem. ]
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...Matt? [His voice is groggy, heavy with sleep as he squints in the dark room.] Wass wrong?
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Go back to sleep, Nate it's nothing.
[ But it's not. Oh it's not nothing. Matt doesn't know what to deal with that he's just experienced. It doesn't make any sense. He doesn't fancy Nate. He doesn't fancy men. Dreams are just weird, right? Dreams are just dreams.
And then? Maybe he knows better. He really does know better ].
I'm going to go sleep on the couch. I can't sleep here with you.
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The sofa? Matt, why? Was I kicking in my sleep to something?
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[ But it is him. Of course it's him, and even seeing him now he knows it. It's like he's had something pointed out to him that had always been there, but he sees it now. He sees it.
And it fucking terrifies him. Nate doesn't even want him, after all he tells him enough, he's not his type.]
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If you're sure...
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[ He doesn't want to stay around. Nate might be sleepy but the last thing he needs is him noticing the wet patch on the front of his pyjama bottoms. So he turns and leaves and heads to the bathroom to clean himself up.
There, he stares into the mirror, looking at himself. What the fuck does this mean? Why did he have to go and thing about something like that? All he does know, is things are going to have to change.
he goes to the front room and moves onto the sofa there, lies down in a blanket. But he doesn't sleep, he just stares at the wall, eyes rimmed with red.
This is bad. ]
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A year later and he was taking Sally home. And going to ask her to marry him.
Nate spent that Christmas in London. Alone. He didn't want to go home and explain to his parents why he was so sad. So he lied and said he had projects to work on. Lucy came and saw him a bit but for the most part, he let a bit of vodka keep him company.
When Matt's due back, Nate's just on the sofa, watching crap tv and acting like he doesn't hear him fumbling to get the door unlocked.]
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It doesn't matter when he can take her home and his family can fawn over her and for once in his life his dad can smile at him and tell him well done. He never thought he'd hear him say that.
So it makes sense, doesn't it? Bag the girl. Live the dream. Even if it isn't his dream. They've been together nearly a year, and they've managed fine till now. She's good fun at least. Well, most of the time.
Proposing made sense. So why doesn't he feel that clutch around his chest?
When they get home, he opens the door, but it's Sally's voice that rings out first. ]
Matt you better have all of my bags. I told you to make two journeys but you didn't listen. You never listen do you?
[ He doesn't say anything, like he's learned not to talk back, and he heads in after her, shutting the door behind him. ]
Nate you home? [ He calls out, the volume earning a tut and a side look from Sally. For once Matt ignores it, he's looking forward to seeing his friend. ]
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He has to fight the urge to go running for the door. He doesn't want to seem too eager. But he is eager. He missed Matt more than he could say.]
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Nathan! Did you see? [ she moves up, flashing the ring that Matt used the money he was saving for a piano to buy. ] Isn't it wonderful? If a little small.
Babe I told you I'd get you a bigger one, soon as I can.
And I haven't forgotten it. Anyway, can't stay, Maria has a dinner party. Matt you unpack everything won't you?
Course babe. [ He knows better than to argue, and he gives her a small kiss as she moves over, before she's heading towards the door, barely having given Nate a chance to speak at all. Still, Matt doesn't mind that, means he gets some time with his mate.
As soon as she's gone, he grins towards him. ]
Well, did ya miss me?
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Hi, Sal. Bye, Sal.
[His gaze turns back to Matt and fuck if he can't resist that smile of his. It makes his own lips curl up in a little one of his own.]
A bit, yeah. How are the folks?
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Oh I'm in the good books. Thought my da had had a personality transplant. He even wanted me to go down the pub with him. We didn't even argue once.
[ It should be good, shouldn't it, all of it. It should feel good. But it doesn't, not if he's honest. ]
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[He's still not very good at this. It still makes him emotional. But he manages to just push through it and cough to cover the tightness in his voice.]
Luce says hello. She was by last night.
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Since that little trip they had a year ago, Matt had pushed himself so far inside the rabbit hole he's practically having lunch with Alice in Wonderland. ]
Oh yeah? She was? Fuck I've not seen her in too long. [ Largely because given Sally knows they used to have a relationship of sorts, she soon knocked them seeing each other at all on the head. ]
So I wanted to ask you something.
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Sure. You can ask me anything. You know that.
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I... Well, yeah. Of course. I'd be honored.
[And he is. He really is. But it's also breaking his heart.]
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[ He looks at him a long moment, his gaze lingering. Why doesn't this feel easier? ]
Aoife hated Sal by the way. Littlest sister's getting some attitude, let me tell you. I think you'd have got on. [ He smiles a bit, wry. ] Come on, I know you can't stand Sal.
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But she's a good girl, really. And she's exactly what my da always wanted for me.
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