[ It makes Matt laugh. Not because it's funny, but because logic has no place here. ]
Oh he'd say I had a choice. But he'd say you have a choice too. That you're going against God. You know I used to think that was right?
[ There's disdain in his voice there, disdain that he ever thought that. ]
My Da's a prick, Nate. When I told him he accused me of being queer. If I was like you then... [ he shakes his head.] Well lets just say it's a good job I'm straight.
[ Or at least so harshly conditioned that he thinks he is. ]
[ He knows Nate well enough to know he's getting worked up. ]
Hey it wasn't your fault. I said it because I was telling my ma about you. I'm not ashamed of you or what you are. You're my mate. My best mate. And maybe I'd been away from home long enough I'd got it into my head he wouldn't give a shit.
[ His dad said way worse stuff, but Nate really doesn't need to hear about any of that. ]
[ it stings thinking about what Nate might have gone through when he was young, because Matt knows when he was a kid he was just as bad. He'd have picked on a gay guy because his dad would have been proud of him for it, and his mates would have loved it too. ]
I can handle my da. It's not the worst he's done. I know how to deal with him.
[ but he doesn't, not really. Not unless he means learning how to lock himself in a bathroom until his dad sobered up or lost interest. He hesitates before going on because this is shit he really doesn't talk about. But go on he does. ]
When I was twelve and he found out I wanted to play the piano? I asked him for proper lessons for my birthday. He took my hand and shut it in a door to break my fingers so I wouldn't be able to. Fractured right across them. [ he Gestures to where. ]. Never forgave him for that.
Wish I could, mate. But my da's a respected member of the community. He wouldn't lay a finger on the girls. If he would I'd have never left. Hate leaving my ma with him but she's the one told me to go off follow my dreams. Least I can do is try and make one of them proud.
[ because that's the really shit thing. He still wants his da to be proud of him. Maybe if he got a girl they liked? Maybe if he got married, gave them grandkids? Maybe then ]
You're not a fucking secret Nate, you're my mate. I don't care if you're queer as a fucking rainbow. And you know what if I bat for your team then I'd be all over you. Whoever ends up with you is going to be a lucky tucking man.
[ if only Matt would listen to those bells ringing and what they mean. But he doesn't even see what's right in front of him. ]
Anyway it won't be an issue because I'm not going home. I'm staying here. Going to try and find a flatshare or something.
That's only for a week around dad's birthday. I could still do that. I think you'll make it a week on your own. Or you could actually take them up on the offer to bring you along.
Mate I'm not coming on your family holiday like I'm your boyfriend or something that'd be weird.
[ reactionary, a bit like his dad. But is that it? Or is it just he isn't sure how to be around a family like that. Happy. Seeing what he's missing. Or worried he'd notice something part of him already knows ]
Fuck I'm just thinking if I told my da I actually got a place with the gay guy. His head would explode. I should tell him I fucked you just to see what happens.
[ That was... unexpected and Matt bursts out laughing. Considering his evening it's more than needed. Nate's joking though right? Right? Well he knows he fancies him but it's still a joke.
Right? ]
You couldn't handle me, mate. I'd be too good. Ruin you for anyone else. I mean I'm a really good shag.
I just think you'd have a lot more to learn than you think. And what have I told you about that shit about Lucy? Christ, just one rule and you keep bloody breaking it.
What, you want to teach me, do you? Guru in arse fucking over here. Or maybe you want to fuck me up the arse. That we'd be having words about Nathan.
[ he laughs at Nate's disdain at hearing about Lucy, really he does it on purpose ] and I have! Can't help what's a fact, Nate. And she fucking loved it. Fucked her from behind and fingered her at the same time.
Ugh, God! Stop! [He grabs a nearby towel and throws it at Matt.]
Just because you've done it doesn't mean you need to talk about it. I don't tell you about my exploits do I? And they're not even mates of yours. Well... Not all of them anyway.
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It's how he is. Always has been. Since I was a kid.
[ So yeah, that's his roundabout way of him saying his had has always knocked him about. He glances down. ]
The eye was because I was stupid enough to tell him I was sharing with a gay guy.
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But that's-! It wasn't like you had a choice. We were shoved in there at random.
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Oh he'd say I had a choice. But he'd say you have a choice too. That you're going against God. You know I used to think that was right?
[ There's disdain in his voice there, disdain that he ever thought that. ]
My Da's a prick, Nate. When I told him he accused me of being queer. If I was like you then... [ he shakes his head.] Well lets just say it's a good job I'm straight.
[ Or at least so harshly conditioned that he thinks he is. ]
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[He's trying not to get too upset but he just...hates the idea of Matt getting hurt because of him.]
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Hey it wasn't your fault. I said it because I was telling my ma about you. I'm not ashamed of you or what you are. You're my mate. My best mate. And maybe I'd been away from home long enough I'd got it into my head he wouldn't give a shit.
[ His dad said way worse stuff, but Nate really doesn't need to hear about any of that. ]
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Stupid. It was stupid. You can't reason with people like that, yeah? I learned it quick as a kid and now you need to as well. Just...
[He sets his pizza down in the box, no longer hungry.]
Something could have happened. Something worse.
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I can handle my da. It's not the worst he's done. I know how to deal with him.
[ but he doesn't, not really. Not unless he means learning how to lock himself in a bathroom until his dad sobered up or lost interest. He hesitates before going on because this is shit he really doesn't talk about. But go on he does. ]
When I was twelve and he found out I wanted to play the piano? I asked him for proper lessons for my birthday. He took my hand and shut it in a door to break my fingers so I wouldn't be able to. Fractured right across them. [ he Gestures to where. ]. Never forgave him for that.
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Can you... Tell someone? Get your mum and sisters out of there?
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[ because that's the really shit thing. He still wants his da to be proud of him. Maybe if he got a girl they liked? Maybe if he got married, gave them grandkids? Maybe then ]
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Just..don't say anything about me when you're home, yeah? Not if it's going to make him get like that.
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[ if only Matt would listen to those bells ringing and what they mean. But he doesn't even see what's right in front of him. ]
Anyway it won't be an issue because I'm not going home. I'm staying here. Going to try and find a flatshare or something.
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What if we got a flat together? I could get a job at a shop for the summer or something.
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[ reactionary, a bit like his dad. But is that it? Or is it just he isn't sure how to be around a family like that. Happy. Seeing what he's missing. Or worried he'd notice something part of him already knows ]
But you mean it? About the flat?
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Yeah, you're over here all the time anyway. Might as well.
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[ he starts to laugh ]
Fuck I'm just thinking if I told my da I actually got a place with the gay guy. His head would explode. I should tell him I fucked you just to see what happens.
[ no Matthew you shouldn't ]
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[oh. Those weren't meant to be out loud thoughts. He tries to laugh it off and make it part of this whole big joke. Haha so funny right?
Get it together, Nate.]
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Right? ]
You couldn't handle me, mate. I'd be too good. Ruin you for anyone else. I mean I'm a really good shag.
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Doesn't mean you know anything about shagging a bloke.
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What, you don't think I'd be a good shag?
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[He laughs again, shaking his head.]
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[ he laughs at Nate's disdain at hearing about Lucy, really he does it on purpose ] and I have! Can't help what's a fact, Nate. And she fucking loved it. Fucked her from behind and fingered her at the same time.
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Just because you've done it doesn't mean you need to talk about it. I don't tell you about my exploits do I? And they're not even mates of yours. Well... Not all of them anyway.
[Someone has kept something from you...]
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