[ Matt doesn't really know any gay people. He's never had the chance to, growing up around a father who would make his opinions on such lifestyles abundantly clear, and friends who were sheltered and used slurs as jokes. There had always been part of him that niggled in the back of his head, that thought it wasn't quite right to treat people like that. But only now he's apart from it can he see that all for himself. ]
No problem with me. What you do with your own bits is your business. Don't really get it but then [ he shrugs. ] You're the first I've known.
That explains a few things. [He says with a shake of his head, not looking mad about it, but feeling like it's now his job to say something.]
A tip, then? Maybe don't say things like "don't bring people around for sex, especially men." Sort of makes you sound like a wanker. If you don't want me shagging in a shared room, it shouldn't matter if they're men or women, yeah?
[He's trying really really hard not to assume things about you, Matt. But that shit makes it difficult.]
[ It's a comment that leaves him silent for a long moment, looking at his hands as he plays with the edge of a cushion on the bed. It's funny, he's never had someone say anything like that to him before. Honestly, he can't fault the logic. Why should it matter? He doesn't know if he should try and explain or what, but he tries, for better or for worse. ]
I just mean I don't want to have to look at it.
[ As soon as he's spoken he regrets those choice of words and follows them up quickly. ] I mean it would make me uncomfortable.
[ Okay none of this is sounding good? So does that mean the guy is right and he's just a dick? Maybe. It's a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not like that. [ Of course the 'that' there in his mind is his da. Not that anybody would know that, and not that he's about to share it. But the last thing he ever wants to be is him. ]
[Nate has dealt with people being uncomfortable with him for all his life. Thankfully, his parents have never been that sort, but plenty of people at school or on the street- people who decided that giving their opinion of him without him asking was definitely necessary.]
You're not like that. [He repeats, still not sounding mad, just pointing out the flaws in the logic here.] You just- what? Prefer I keep it to myself? But if I was bringing a girl over, you'd be completely comfortable with it?
No that's not what I'm-- [ He's quick to rebuff. Not what he's saying. But it sort of is what he's saying, isn't it? He doesn't mean to, but... it is. He doesn't want to make the bloke feel like he needs to hide who he is or some shit like that. It freaks him out, sure, but that's his own problem, not Nate's. ]
You don't need to justify yourself to me, Nate. I'm nobody. What the fuck does it matter what anybody thinks about how you live your life. You do you and if that's blokes then you do as many blokes as you want. Within reason and all that.
[ He shifts a bit awkwardly, because he knows it's fucked up, and that's his own thought processes. Why is it a problem to him? He knows why, and he hates it. ]
Never said I planned on hiding anything. Just trying to make sure I understand what you're saying. Trying to not assume things, yeah? [His eyebrows raise and he manages a small smile.]
I've been out for a few years now. Parents, family, friends back home-- I'm not interested in hiding anything about myself.
[ See, he looks so much better when he's smiling and not being a dick to him. Matt sits up a bit, leaning his elbows forward on his knees as he looks towards Nate. He doesn't say anything for a minute, but then, surprisingly, he does. The sort of thing he never really says at all. Maybe it's because he doesn't know him, like some sort of neutral party. Or maybe it's something else. Who knows. ]
Look I'm sorry if I'm a prick about it, and if I ever am just tell me, yeah? And I don't mean about stupid shit like jam, I mean like important stuff like this. I was always told it was wrong. That it was disgusting, two blokes, you know? And you're supposed to believe the shit your parents tell you, right?
[It makes Nathan's skin crawl to think about parents raising their kids to be hateful and uncomfortable with things that have nothing to do with them. But at least it makes Matt's attitude about it make so much more sense.]
Yeah, I'll tell you if you're being too you about it. [Thats a joke]
But if that's what your parents were teaching you? I'd suggest doing the opposite of whatever they ever said.
Why do you think I'm here? [ It’s an incredibly telling statement, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. But he’s not supported in this, his family didn’t ship him off all smiling and proud that he’d got a place in a prestigious university. He was sent off told ‘if you leave then you aren’t ever coming back’, that he was no longer part of that family, a disgrace and a disappointment. Oh it’s not how his Ma feels, he knows, but she doesn’t dare speak up against his Da. She knows better by now.
But being here? It’s what he wants, what he always wanted, going against everything he’d been asked and told. ]
[ The idea actually makes him laugh, and he shakes his head a little, looking over at him with a half smile. ] Nah mate. Not sure it’d be polite to repeat what I was told when I finally plucked up the courage to say I was coming here. Think my Ma was proud but… [ he shakes his head again and lets out another laugh. ]
[ matt finds himself laughing again and holds up his hands ] Yeah well you got me there. Not that it's really a job right now. Though maybe some day, right? Right now it's more an over invested hobby.
[ theres another laugh and he shakes his head ] Oh no I'm good. I'd knock your fucking socks off believe me.
[ there might be some things he's modest about but not this. This he knows to believe in himself about. He's had to, nobody else would. Shifting again he rubs his hand against his jeans and then offers it out towards him to shake. ]
Matt. Guessing you know that, but we never did have a proper introduction
[Talking to Matt about the shit stuff his dad has done, the way they don't really support his choices for schooling- Well, it makes him sort of guess that the job at the bar isn't just for the hell of it.]
My treat. You can get the next one.
[And without waiting for him to argue, he'll just start calling to place the order.]
[ Matt would still argue, but really he can't afford it so he'll just suck it up. ]
Thanks man. So you said you're an only child? Must have been quiet. I've got three sisters back home. [ why he seems so eager to get to know him he doesn't really question. They're going to be sharing a space after all ]
Yeah, just me. My parents waited to have kids. Did some traveling, chased their dreams a bit. Probably why they're as alright with me doing this as they are. Mum's always pushed me to go after the art stuff. Never wanted me to regret not going for it, yknow?
It's one of those things where it could almost be nice if that's the sort of thing you were into. But I'm guessing even as a kid, you weren't trying to run to work with him.
Nah I was more the climbing trees and scraping knees type. That and practising whenever I could. Copying theme tunes off tv, that sort of thing. I do a fucking great version of Coronation Street let me tell you.
Hell would fucking freeze over first, Nate. All me. Not like some of the guys here little fucking Mozarts. And you know I thought you had a stick up your arse these guys have a rod of solid gold.
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No problem with me. What you do with your own bits is your business. Don't really get it but then [ he shrugs. ] You're the first I've known.
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A tip, then? Maybe don't say things like "don't bring people around for sex, especially men." Sort of makes you sound like a wanker. If you don't want me shagging in a shared room, it shouldn't matter if they're men or women, yeah?
[He's trying really really hard not to assume things about you, Matt. But that shit makes it difficult.]
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I just mean I don't want to have to look at it.
[ As soon as he's spoken he regrets those choice of words and follows them up quickly. ] I mean it would make me uncomfortable.
[ Okay none of this is sounding good? So does that mean the guy is right and he's just a dick? Maybe. It's a bitter pill to swallow. ]
I don't have a problem with gay people. I'm not like that. [ Of course the 'that' there in his mind is his da. Not that anybody would know that, and not that he's about to share it. But the last thing he ever wants to be is him. ]
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You're not like that. [He repeats, still not sounding mad, just pointing out the flaws in the logic here.] You just- what? Prefer I keep it to myself? But if I was bringing a girl over, you'd be completely comfortable with it?
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You don't need to justify yourself to me, Nate. I'm nobody. What the fuck does it matter what anybody thinks about how you live your life. You do you and if that's blokes then you do as many blokes as you want. Within reason and all that.
[ He shifts a bit awkwardly, because he knows it's fucked up, and that's his own thought processes. Why is it a problem to him? He knows why, and he hates it. ]
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I've been out for a few years now. Parents, family, friends back home-- I'm not interested in hiding anything about myself.
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Look I'm sorry if I'm a prick about it, and if I ever am just tell me, yeah? And I don't mean about stupid shit like jam, I mean like important stuff like this. I was always told it was wrong. That it was disgusting, two blokes, you know? And you're supposed to believe the shit your parents tell you, right?
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Yeah, I'll tell you if you're being too you about it. [Thats a joke]
But if that's what your parents were teaching you? I'd suggest doing the opposite of whatever they ever said.
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[
It’s an incredibly telling statement, even if he doesn’t mean it to be. But he’s not supported in this, his family didn’t ship him off all smiling and proud that he’d got a place in a prestigious university. He was sent off told ‘if you leave then you aren’t ever coming back’, that he was no longer part of that family, a disgrace and a disappointment. Oh it’s not how his Ma feels, he knows, but she doesn’t dare speak up against his Da. She knows better by now.
But being here? It’s what he wants, what he always wanted, going against everything he’d been asked and told. ]
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[He rolls his eyes a little with that last bit. Can't really blame him though. Assholes who trying to teach their hateful biases just piss him off.]
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Not really a ‘mans’ job is it. Playing the piano.
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[Nathan isn't here for your gender norm bullshit.]
Now if you're shit at it, that's another story...
[That might be a more genuine smile now.]
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[ theres another laugh and he shakes his head ] Oh no I'm good. I'd knock your fucking socks off believe me.
[ there might be some things he's modest about but not this. This he knows to believe in himself about. He's had to, nobody else would. Shifting again he rubs his hand against his jeans and then offers it out towards him to shake. ]
Matt. Guessing you know that, but we never did have a proper introduction
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Nathan. [Well, at least this Nathaniel business is over with.]
D'you want to get a pizza or something? I feel like this get to know you bullshit will go over easier with some crap food at the ready.
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Matt can't really afford pizza, so he hesitates just for a second before pushing that aside ]
Yeah why the fuck not. Alejandro's? Their jalapeño spice is epic.
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My treat. You can get the next one.
[And without waiting for him to argue, he'll just start calling to place the order.]
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Thanks man. So you said you're an only child? Must have been quiet. I've got three sisters back home. [ why he seems so eager to get to know him he doesn't really question. They're going to be sharing a space after all ]
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anything he can imagine ]
I think my da would be happier if he never saw a piano ever again. He had the sign changed on his garage. Byrne and son. Did it when I was eight.
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